A/N: This started out as a drabble. Then it got longer, and I ended up with 2,500 words. I am so sorry. And I also felt like the ending is rushed… that’s probably because it was… orz. But here it is. This is the ‘fluff’ scenario. You said fluff and sad at the same time… I didn’t know what to do and I’m horrible with fluff so I winged it. This is awkward.
You sat on your bed and watched as he danced inside your room to a beat only he can hear. He was dead on his feet but he insisted he was fine. That he can still show you what he’s been practicing for days, weeks even. You admired how his body moved on its own accord, like he was being controlled by the wind. He was graceful. But he was beat, anyone can see it. And you were worried about him.
He was doing what seemed like a series of complicated footwork when he tripped on his own feet and sent himself tumbling forward on your bed. He landed on the mattress with an empty sounding oomph. Pulling his bottom half from the floor he curled into a ball in the middle of your bed, pulling you with him. The rest of the day was spent with him snoring on your bed and you trapped in his arms.
This has been how you spent your days together lately. With him on the brink of passing out most of the time, and you worrying about him pushing himself too far.
But you were together nonetheless, because he insisted on seeing you even though he was dead tired. Even if it meant just camping on your bedroom.
…
The next time you see him, about five days after you last did, he was limping. You noticed him trying not to put any pressure on his left foot. When you asked why, he just gave you a smile that reminded you of a child that got caught drawing purple giraffes on the hallway floor.
With a sigh, you lead him inside your apartment. At least he looked like he’s had enough sleep.
You cooked his favourite meal for lunch that day and spent an afternoon watching romantic films while eating ice cream. He complained about you trying to make him fat but he still ate and watched you while you cried over the storyline. You gave him props for keeping a straight face, he usually burst out laughing when he saw you cry over a movie.
…
You woke up in cold sweat. Your eyes immediately landed at your bedside table where a photo of you and Jong In sat.
He had his right arm around your shoulder, hand holding your left, while he held the camera with his right. You were making a face at the camera while he was trying to kiss your cheek. Behind you was a bustling carnival.
The photo was taken a month before he started training.
Glancing at the digital clock beside it, you realized the time. Four A.M. Figures why it’s still pitch black outside. With a sigh, you lay back down. Even though you knew you weren’t going to sleep anymore.
You haven’t seen him for the past two weeks.
Half a month you haven’t heard from him. Not a single text, a call or even a voicemail. You never even saw his shadow.
You were worried sick.
Not because today happened to be your eighteenth monthsary, (imagine that, lasting a year and a half), but rather the fact that he never forgot to call or text you (even if it was at one a.m. and just to say good night). You admit, you were somehow mad at the fact he forgot to even say goodnight to you. For two weeks straight. But your anger melts everytime you remember his tired face.
You were just hoping that he didn’t somehow fall of an open manhole while he was walking around town half awake.
After about half an hour of just staring at your ceiling, you hauled yourself off your bed and walked towards your kitchen, phone in hand. Your body was in need of tea and the north pole-ish temperature of the floor wasn’t going to stop you.
After pouring hot water on the cup, you scanned your phone even though you knew you had no new text or calls whatsoever. You were half surprised when a text decided to arrive the very moment you unlocked your phone.
____-ah.
You raised a brow at the text as you took a sip from your tea. You were about to dismiss it when another text arrived.
Did you know that it’s snowing today?
You were typing a reply as to what the hell he meant when you heard a sneeze.
From outside your apartment.
With a sigh, you walked towards your bedroom to grab a jacket and the thickest blanket you owned.
You took a moment to peek at the peephole just to make sure it was really him and not some weird hobo that decided to make your front doorstep his campsite. When you saw his shivering state, god knows why he was only wearing a shirt when he knew it was going to snow, you threw the door open and put the jacket over his shoulder followed by the thick blanket.
Happy eighteen months. He greeted as soon as he was inside the warmth of your apartment, pulling you towards him with one hand while he held the blanket with the other. You murmured a reply before you held your breath. Although the blanket hid most part of it, he still smelt like sweat. Like he just came from practice and didn’t even shower before coming to you.
You struggled against his grasp, wanting to breathe again, while he was laughing as he held you closer, knowing that you were holding your breath. After a few more seconds you were released from his grasp and he took a step away from you, still laughing.
You pecked his cheek before he walked towards your couch, limping again. This time he was being gentle with his hip.
Accident. I spun a little too fast and lost balance. There was no bed. He told you before you even opened your mouth to ask. He had that guilty smile again. With a sigh, you walked towards the bathroom and prepared a bath for your idiot.
You thanked the gods there were no open manholes on the way to your house.
As soon as the bathtub was filled with warm water you woke him up and led him to the bath, leaving him by the door. Twenty minutes later, he was out wearing the clothes he left the last time he decided it was a good idea to sleep at your place because he crashed at three A.M, both famished and spent after a late night practice that extended to the early hours of the next morning.
They were close to debuting after all.
Thank you. You heard him whisper as he downed the glass of milk you prepared for him.
‘You need the milk, love. And I don’t want to sound like a mother but you’re gonna have to sleep after that.’ You ranted at him from across the table. He stood up with a smile and grabbed your hand before pulling you out the door, picking up the heavy blanket along the way.
Can we watch the sunrise first? He asked as he threw the blanket over both of you. Why he bothered to ask, you didn’t know. You were both leaning on the railings when he asked for permission. (Well, you were leaning on the railings while he had somehow made himself comfortable hugging you from behind, his chin resting on the crook of your neck.)
Sure enough, just a few minutes after you went out, the sun started to rise, painting the once dark sky various shades of red. It reminded you of how you celebrated your sixth month together. Only you were watching the sun rise at the beach that time.
I’m sorry. He murmured to your neck, still keeping his gaze locked on the great beyond. He was barely audible but you were used to him talking like that when he was embarrassed so you understood his words. What he was apologizing for though, you had no idea.
The two weeks AWOL?
Hurting himself and making you worry?
Not sleeping enough?
Pushing his limits too hard?
You were about to ask when his eyes shifted from looking at the sky to looking at you. He looked sad, apologetic and you had no idea why, before you could ask though he continued with his apology, looking back at the now orange sky.
I’m sorry that I’m not being a good boyfriend now. That I’m too busy with training but I’m selfishly holding you down. I’m sorry that I haven’t taken you out now even though we’re supposed to be celebrating eighteenth month together because I’m injured, even though that shouldn’t even be a reason. I’m sorry, jagi. You really do deserve someone better but I don’t want to let you go, because I love you so much jagiya. You know, just tell me to quit training and I will. I promise I will. By the end of his speech, his promise of sorts, his voice was breaking and you felt a few drops of tears fall on your shoulder. You tried to turn around but he held you in position.
‘Yah, Jong In oppa. Let me turn around.’ You told him as you tugged at his hands. When his grip loosened you turned around to face him, careful not to drop the blanket. His gaze was downcast, you swear you could see his lips quivering.
‘Oppa, you’re not holding me down, arasso? I don’t really care if we don’t go out that much anymore. I just want to see you. I just want to see you happy and healthy. I’d rather stay in and know that you’re not straining yourself walking around because you’re trying to make me happy because, believe me, it won’t.’ You told him as you wiped the tears from his eyes. ‘And don’t you dare quit. You’ve sacrificed way too much to back out now. Remember what I told you when you first thought of quitting because you said you couldn’t handle the pressure?’ He nodded but still refused to look at you though, even though you’ve tried to tilt his head up time and time again.
Be patient and tough and enduring. Someday this will all work for you.You told him that the first time he told you he wanted to quit. You talked him out.
‘And you’re right, I deserve someone better.’ That made him look up. His eyes looked broken, lifeless even. He really did believe what you said. ‘But then, what if I don’t want to because the best already has my heart?’ You ended with a smile before you encircled your arms around his waist, minding the injured hip, and rested your cheek on his chest.
‘And I love you too, Kim Jong In.’ You whispered.
…
Two months later, you stood on the side lines, backstage, and watched as he poured his heart and soul into every step he took onstage, every single syllable that left his lips.
Now, you can hear the music he was dancing and singing to.
When it was his time to sing, the world muted itself. You couldn’t hear the screams and cheers of the crowd outside, you could only hear his voice. And when it was time for that dance sequence that managed to injure him more than you can count, you crossed your fingers, hoping he pull it off more than perfectly.
And he did.
Without a single flaw.
After all the pain and the suffering he went through, the sleepless nights, the painful mornings, he finally made it. For two years he trained without a sure plan. But he pulled through and debuted with his group.
He was Kai now.
And you knew that this was another long journey, a harder one. Everyone saw him as a bad boy. Everyone wanted them now. They were the hot item. And you were pushed into the shadows. But you didn’t mind. As long as you knew he still loved you.
Twisting the ring on your finger, you took it off to see the inscription inside.
Keeper of my soul. Owner of my heart.
‘You’re ____-ah, right? Jong In’s girlfriend?’ A voice beside you asked. When you looked at the owner of it, you came eye to eye with Super Junior’s leader, Leeteuk.
You answered his question with a meek nod, unable to find your voice. He smiled a gentle smile, almost reminding you of those old wise men. In a sense he was one of those wise men.
‘You’re lucky to have found each other, ____-ah. I hope to see more of you.’ He told you with a smile before he walked towards the stage, he was MC after all.
You smiled to yourself as you looked at his retreating back.
Yes, you were lucky to have him.
You were lucky to find someone who stood by you even though he could have easily left as soon as he was put in a pedestal.
But he didn’t. And you know you won’t too.
You felt a pair of arms encircle your waist and you turned around to find him smiling broadly at you.
You were right. He told you before he engulfed you in a tight hug, rocking you side to side. Thank you for staying with me through it all. He continued to rock you, humming a slow tune that you barely heard.
Leeteuk passed you again, he patted Jong In’s back with a smile, he just replied with a ‘hn’ and continued to sway. You stayed like that until a cordi approached him and told him to get ready. With a nod, he released you.
Jagi, this road’s only gonna turn rougher and walking through it’s only gonna be harder. But I hope you stay with me because I will never let you go. He was starting a speech again. God knows how this man always managed to find the most untimely moments to make them. I will never let you go because I’m far too selfish and I love you too much to do so.
‘Well then, I guess it’s time to take up my own advice because I’m too selfish to let you go too.’ You replied before placing a quick kiss on his lips.
‘I love you too. Now, go and show me what you’ve got.’ You told him as you pushed him towards the stage.
Your love’s going to suffer and hurt. It will get tested time and time again, you were sure of it. But you will do your best to stand beside him just like he did whenever you needed him to.
This love is surely going to be painful, but this love is also going places.
———————————————-
Damn, this turned out longer than I hoped. Sorry.
Label: fan fiction
I'm sorry if It sounds weird, and I'm kinda uncomfortable to tell my love story on public, but however I have to, People said problems will not be solved if we didn't share. So Imma try :)
I won't force you to read this one, you may just skip this 'hell' part.
I never told my true feeling, I choose to hide it all
I wonder why does my heart closed by itself
Up till this very minute I can't truly believe in men's words
their promises, sweet words of them, and all of the things they have.
I always think that the world is full of fake people. And I was never able to fall in love with any of them.
It was just the start of Junior High School and I wasn't interested in any of guys in my school, until I saw R. He was the sunshine of the darkness for me. I watch him pass me by everyday. I stay to see him look my way, But he never does, Just because He does not love me. I know I can never get near him, he'll be far away. I dream of him every night, I think of him everyday. But he can never feel that- He'll be far away. I know the distance between us
I can never cross the path.
I've tried to soothe myself with this one big fat lie, that I'll be happy for him, just to see his smile. Even if it's not with me, Even if I have to see him walking around with another girl. These tears keep puring down as fast as a river flow, since I can't believe myself for letting him just blow.
I can no longer control this throbbing heart and mind, all this love for him made me completely blind. I can't see anybody, but only you.
My heart broke into million pieces. I thought I was going to go sycho because it hurt me that much.
Don't ask me if I still love him. Because I don't know, he with his girlfriend is a perfect couple in my eyes, completing each other, they seems flawless. 4 years in love is not a short time, I do love him, Everyone knows tha love shouldn't have right? I still love him but I'm trying to get over him. Tho' my feeling is no longer the same as the first time I met him, I know he's not the right one for me. I've learnt what is love at the first sight, the differences between your lover and crush. I didn't explain it, but I only could feel it.
Teenagers Nowadays, are creepy! escpecially for girls. I used to be with one of my friend, I was so close at that time. We often hang out, almost everyday, people said she's cute, pretty, and maybe perfect. But which side did they look? I've learnt one more thing from her, until I could conclude, those people who liked her were just looking a girl from the face, not her personality even her true heart. She ended up being used by the boys in my school, up until now she didn't realise, and she wouldn't realise. She have tons of ex-boyfriends. So, what happened to me? One day, I started to like a boy in my school, instead of saying hello to me, he tried to get closer with my friend. Dissapointed? yes ! I always trying to keep myself calm, it happened more than one times. I didn't blame her, I'm the one who should say thanks, if she wasn't here, I wouldn't know that the boy I liked, look a girl only from the outside.
She love to lied, cheated, she loves money, and handsome guy, She didn't consider whether the guy is a bad guy or not. I wonder, did she care of herself? or she only want to fulfill her lust?
My heart silently cries the tears from deep within, The pain won't stop aching but I just keep it in. I closed myself, stop hoping for a miracle for my terrible love story, I'm not the kind of girl guys falling love with. I would like to make myself believe, that there's a guy from thousands who will love me and come to me no matter who am I, no matter how I look. He'll recover my pains, He'll stay love me for ever more. Oh please, Does a fairy tale really exist?
Being with someone who will never love you is the hardest thing to do. One sided love , It's what i'm going through.
One heart beating alone, won't make this relationship true.
Please rember, no one falls in love by choice, it's by chance. And no one believes in love at first sight until that special person comes along and steals your heart
However, loving someone and not being loved in return, is the worst thing in the world
Label: first love, love, my love story